The dream that haunted me

I don't know how or what caused me to dream about military police but I was knee deep in my subconscious with it. It first started with a training exercise, complete with huge semi automatic weaponry, and a brutish commanding officer hell bent on warping new recruits. There were no familiar faces, the building itself was an old warehouse converted into a barracks. Lighting was dark, cold, and heavy.

Only after a long, arduous ordeal with training, we were set up for a possible threat, security mostly. Now what I couldn't get was having weapons drawn inside of a building, locked on 'supposed' terrorists/detractors, and even then they had no knowledge of artillery being pointed them.

It seemed kind of odd to me to witness this, and I being of questioning personality asked "What is the purpose of this exercise if all we are going to do is freak people out with guns, behind close doors, and subsequently invoking some insane clause about National Security?"

Not long I was shuffled into a office with papers, and told to wait, then I was meandered to the barracks and told to wait some more. Wait, wait, wait, I finally said fuck it, I'm sleeping. Bad idea.

I awoke strapped into a chair facing a metal desk, all kinds of electronic contraptions monitoring littered the desk, and I noticed my belongings were strewn about with little care, or concern to their owners respect.

The questions came, and they were furious. I couldn't keep pace with their demands to questions I thought had no business being asked. I was able to catch few things from the barrage of verbal vomit.

"Why do you have these?"
"Where did you get them?"
"Why do you have them?" Pointing towards my medicine bottles.

"I take them...." I said.

"These are illegal, where did you get them?" On and on the demented officer flayed.

"So you are admitting to owning, taking these?"

I had to stop, my gut instinct told me to say nothing more. I was already being hooked for the fall. Gutted like a catfish, not such a swell feeling.

I couldn't see answering two men who were so hellishly looking, fishing for something to throw me in the brig for. Obviously, I was under duress, but in situations like these your not sure whether to shit, or breathe.

I basically let them go on, as I waited for a break, all I could muster was a breath before the huge men carried on like screaming wet children in a hot summer.

With a phone attached to my face, the barreling man to my left screaming at me, how was I supposed to answer?

"He's being difficult, he won't answer our questions, what he has in his possession is illegal..."

Then I woke up.

Welcome to my world, its a weird experience but we get through.

September Special

Well, things are finished with one phase of my life, and now I wait for the next. So much has been in the air as to what avenue to take in the last month, but I think we will know more as October closes. Otherwise, I'm going to relax, take some time to reflect, and just be.

As far as the current events I'm concerned with our elected process, as well as the discourse we've been currently engaged with. Much of the diatribes are directed at the Democrats, where the Democrats seem to be in a placid sense of what? There isn't very much in the way of getting anything done with our discussions, and this is reflective not just with our elected bodies, but with all of the how we really engage in conflict.

I'm not the first person to notice how ill our state of affairs have been. But we need to make a very concerted effort in changing how we talk to one another here. The fact we live in a 24 hour news cycle. That the process of the newspeak is tailored to fit distraction, I'm inclined to believe people have tuned out the all the b.s.

Its grass roots now, that we all are in the implicit sink or fail aspect of the future. It won't take some President speaking about job creation to calm the uncertainty of our country. No matter, I'm of the hope that we will get through this, and figure out the avenue in which we can fix what ails us. My experience is shown me otherwise, but I'm of the belief that we can all figure out the best course of action. So much is negative, and that has poisoned what needs to be done.

I'm also announcing today that I'll be moving onward with my online aspect. Rather than get into the brass tacks of the explanation, I thank those who've read, and posted in my blog here. I'm moving onto another arena of posting, and this will be my final entry. Thanks for reading.

B.

Lamentations

So this is the end of the month. Already a vacation in, finished two concurrent courses Math, and Intro to programming, and moved onto the next phase of college learning Prob and Statistics. To mince words on how I feel about this course is mute point, I just believe in a stronger ethic in correspondence. Alas I'm the outlander when it comes to real this discourse.

As May nears the end of its 2011 run, I'm taking a little time to myself this year to just be. I've tired of the mundane, the idiotic, and emotionally draining people this side of the west. I'm not really interested in the vacuum of complacency, which ill affords me the opportunity to sit and idle. So, I've pushed onward, looked in the mirror and am accepting who I am. Either it is or it isn't. There is no more underlying messages to be had. I've bore very little fruit in this endeavor. Its time to focus on the real, and believe that way. There are always going to be walls placed in my way, I've had to struggle with each movement I've made. If this gives too much out there then so be it.

I've lost a lot of great people, and gained a few by pulling me in a direction I've not been comfortable. I've endured a ever lasting embarrassment. I've toiled over the misbegotten, and forgotten nothing. I walk with each step, slow, methodical, and sometimes unsure. If there is poetry in my existence then I'm living how I can be. There are no retries from now on. I can't start over again. I cannot tare down and re-examine. I must move along to where I need to go. With Peggy's passing last year, many things have become more focused in my hindsight. I've had some weird times, but I've had some good ones. 2011 is shaping up to be a year the lessons I've learned prior, and to adapt accordingly. I'm to take each skill and use it, find a place I can mingle and live the best I can. The cynical attitude, the break it before it hurts me doesn't work now. Its a struggle, but I'm learning. The paradigm ahead of me is already laying waste to that came before, I must figure a way to survive.

The talk of serfs and upper class is ringing very true. The fact I'm reading about the battle lines drawn, the cleansing of the poor classes, while instigating diversion is unsettling. A new kind of distortion is arriving, its how you, and everyone else will either survive, or wither. 1995 is a long time ago, but what was seen then is coming to pass now, and I hope that it won't end the way I foreseen.

Thanks for reading.

B.

Dark reaches, and the Tethering of unified support

Entering a new chapter, an unknown for me. The road I've been on, is slowly coming up to an intersection. I have a decision to make, and though I've been on this journey, I've been plodding along. By August, things will be a little more clearer. But for now two courses which have been a bane, are now completed. I feel somewhat indifferent, but satisfied. Its over, and now the road before me is of wonder, and excitement. Indeed these are interesting times to be alive.

Shoving off to the East was an interesting experience. Traveling east was different in that it was farthest I've gone before. That the time there was curiosity, met new peeps, and just hung out. Besides having to be up at the crack of dawn which at this time of year is around 4:30am, I might have slept to about 7. No later. Downtown is pretty cool, like the old school feel to the place. Streets were like driving off road. Alas, we'll be back soon, but could be later in the year.

So the big news still is the network from Sony. It finally came up this weekend, only to the limited capacity of Sony's doing. Alas, I've spent a portion of my time focusing on my finals, reading intermittently about the network debacle. Otherwise there is a lot of opinions on the subject, and I feel its subjective to the over all problems, who's right, who's wrong, etc.

Each opinion carries with its own undercurrent of either keen or vitriolic observation. The only issue I have with some of the paid contributors are the expected rights to online access to first person shooters, or multiplyer games. Not only that, the purported (conspiracy) deception Sony is evoking is spoke like its per fact. I'm not disputing the network attack was a good thing, nor did I evoke armchair posturing either. Sony's reluctance to respond publicly, resulted in a huge damage control from their PR head, and a lack of transparency, clouded a very terse situation.

No one was hurt, or killed. But, information was obtained, and could be used for nefarious means. The fallout from the debacle, has given rise to bickering, and badmouthing everything Sony does. I want to punch these people for being so mendacious, and maniacal. No one has given rights to anything but their own person. I just would like to see a little more balance in the coverage, not so much hysteria over something very trivial. Alas, I'm in the minority when this stuff arises. Sigh....

Kids have the know how, and fortitude to decrypt anything they can get their mittens upon. There also is the need to over react to the downing of a service that isn't exactly free. In essence people pay for their service providers network to utilize the network Sony puts out freely. There are certain perks to having a console mostly as a entertainment device, or a coders box. The only discernible aptitude the cats who tinker is to see what will it take to break the box down. Fortunately, and if there is honest scruples with the community, that none of the stuff taken will be used illegally, or in malice.

Thanks for reading.

B.

Finals and much needed rest

As this week closes, I'm concluding my two courses, and awaiting a much needed respite from the hectic workload that was winter term. I need rest, away from information, tech, and frankly its well deserved. I've spent gobs of time just plunking around, reading, and trying to at least stay in the curve of information. There is a point though I've come to burn out, or lack of enthusiasm. Its not that I don't enjoy a good read, or learning, but there is a point to which it becomes cumbersome, boring, and tedious. There isn't any real complaint I can levy here, as this is the way things are in the fast paced interconnected world. People are literally walking billboards of social media whoring, and lets not mince words, if the brand of self isn't fitting into the construct of 21st century ideology, the focal idiom is at a downward slide into a void of irrelevance.

I base my existence upon truth, and what I bring to the table. In this world I watch in a corner in which the changes of outwitting the casual living person with distractions, incomprehensible iterations upon stupid non issues, that it sullies the experience of interconnectedness. I've pulled further away from these bristling's, and forced myself to confront why I'm so clingy to have my own bubble. If comfort, transparency are paramount in this new era of digital expansion, I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the consistent battering ram of discourse built around fear and distortion. I suppose the very facet of which makes life interesting is how everyone perceives what they think is happening. Regardless, its gotten old, and I'm just to tired of caring.

Which brings me to my prior posting, Sony for all intensive purposes is the paradigm of which I talk about. The how big is too big, public relations double speak, the irrelevant expose on what is but what isn't. I can't wrap my head around these kinds of probes of verbal garbage. Plus, the fact we all are in some capacity slaves to the very system that bore what used to be competition, which turned into corporate sameness, while the public watches out shareholders hostile takeover of smaller independents.

I personally think that Sony's practices mirror exactly why there is so much wrong with corporate superlative. The largeness of the whole, where as the mantra of disjunctive press, and even to a lesser extent self mutalation of brand recognition has become fodder for many to lament at the state of current structures. It's become very apparent that we are witnessing in my estimation the fall of the corporate being. The covert, the misdirect, the vale of secrecy wound extremely tight, that the faces that represent these companies are often protected from scrutiny. Then there is the aspect of the consumer rights, ownership of said product to do with as we choose. Lastly, the tethering of media (DRM), to corporately controlled devices that go against even critical thinking in the face of more hostile forces.

I don't want to be the alarmist, but I believe we have vested interest in showing what can happen when checks and balances aren't legitmized, or in this case respected. That the owning to the mistake is far more important than being invisible to the problem currently. It doesn't take that much for a person to be soured on the experience of having something stolen. Then again we live in an unguarded internet world, that is rife with seedy situations, and characters whom scream for attention. Thanks for reading.

B.

A mighty fine mess

Well, its finals time, well a week early for me as life can't stop just because I'm in school. Otherwise I'm a stressing unit at the moment, as I have concurrent courses side by side to finish. Programming is all but finished except a pass by reference thing, and two pieces left for the math course. Quiz for chapter 5 section, which I might add is/was difficult, but not to hard to understand, just a lot of rules to practice in a very short period. Lastly, the finals test which I told the instructor I would be doing Saturday, or this weekend. I am as they say working my arse off to get down crucial pieces of the formulas so I can take this without stress. Well, that's a little more easier to say than put into action for me. I hate tests, I find them to be a bit of annoyance to the process, as I think fun is where it needs to be. Unfortunately, this isn't the case with grown ups, everything must be on the line.

This weeks news is about the Playstation Network going offline. During the week, I was having intermittent connection issues. The full frontal network collapse happened last Wedsenday. Sony hasn't been able to rectify this problem as of this writing. The (unnamed group) whom announced publicly after Sony's suing a user whom decrypted the Playstation 3 algorithm. (unnamed group) became livid when Sony announced they were suing the gent who reversed engineered the protocol. His jail breaking of the PS3 essentially put a large bulls eye on Sony and its various affiliates.

**Update: As of today April 26th, Sony announced they were indeed hacked. All personal information pertaining to the system, blog site, credit card info, where compromised. This leads me to conclude their public relations department wasn't going to say anything until it was too late, or in this case way outside of the fact.

This doesn't bode very well for the future of console systems as this very foundation of security of said systems can be compromised without any regard to the fact. Users whom depend upon their entertainment fix will have to resort to their competitors, where as I think no one system is ever full proof. The illusion of security is often a bad precedence even for these other competitor systems XBOX, and Nintendo. Welcome to the open online world.

I don't theoretically believe Sony will recover from this. I think in part is that most of their business model has stemmed in part to the older gaming crowd, and that to a lesser degree used to tailor their systems to the tinkerer crowd (me) the old Playstation 2, and for awhile the Playstation 3. Their systems were compatible with the Yellow Dog distro *Red Hat forking. In 2010, Sony basically said no to the Linux tinkering, and went about a very covert, and I must say sly way of cutting off the ability to install Yellow Dog. They were threatening that their systems were being used for pirated games, and transmission of pirated games.

Because of the cloak and secrecy of Sony's lack of information during this ordeal, their PR department hasn't really been all that forthright in my opinion in asking for the gaming community for support. Its a really weird situation to watch as the giant that is Sony try to rectify their botched handling of the hack. Take what you want from a large corporations lack of control, which led to speculation, bickering, and nasty forum postings about Sony's PR department.

Before today's announcement, they've been exclusively hidden about their network problem. Its my impression they've been combative, evasive, and terse in getting any type of real information out to the public. Sony figured the core base was going to be patient about the downtime, and well that didn't really work in favor of their big releases: Mortal Kombat, Portal 2, and SOCOM 4.

I think at this juncture is how the rights of the consumer (us) has in essence been twiddled down to corporately controlled, manipulated, EULA heavily worded code for their property leased Playstation 3 machines. We the public are in essence given no right whatsoever to do what we want to the hardware we've legally purchased. I'm not saying that its right to pirate, but when you give the impression of being a major dickhead, some folks are going to look at this as just fodder for doing so. It hasn't helped the RIAA very much, nor has it made the MPAA any friends. People want choices, not tightly, corporately controlled devices that track what we do, say, and share. To this endeavor I feel is very much Orwellian. But I digress, I really would like to see an open world where there are options that are fruitful, and can be expanded upon without need of corporate interference. I can dream right?

Meeting Today

This is probably the most difficult meeting I've had in sometime. I was thrusted into my own perception today. It was as if I was being shoved a little to think about what it is that drives me, and my personal difficulties.

Where does the pressure to succeed come from? What is my motivation to being extremely closed off about people, and open to new experiences that may or may not be advantageous for my personal growth?

Do I seek validation for the efforts I employ? Do I trust someone other than myself? Lastly, the importance upon setting boundaries that are healthy, and cognitive enough for me to mingle freely without provocation?

I suppose, its 2011, I've lived a very survivalist life. Hand to mouth. One project to another, and so on. Have I become so ingrained in my own lot, that I myself haven't really seen outside of the peculiarities of what life has to offer me?

I'm not trying to evade, or avoid, I've been burned, hurt, abused, and victimized that I've crawled into this shell, plunking away at the bottom feeders of carrion. I've been exclusively set in my dream to be an artist, and that endeavor somewhat ended because of ego/validation.

I guess its real work to look at what I've been, and where I need to be going. Nothing is ever certain, as proof of living through 2007. But, I'm also not so stuck in the mud that I need to acknowledge what I was doing for a long time doesn't work now. That I'm realizing that I've got to adjust, adapt, and figure it out. I still do not have the slightest idea what I want to do with my life. I have inclinations, but otherwise that clarity thing is obscured from sight. My feeling is it'll be with technology, in what capacity who knows.

Otherwise, I'm tired of rebuilding. Its old, its not in my best interest to keep tearing it down. I lose bits of myself this way. There was a time I was so Bushido, that I wanted nothing to own. Folks thought that mightily strange, but it worked for me then. I still feel like I have to hold onto various ethics for my personal safety.

I don't know, I'm just putting this here to read later on. A lot of brooding this evening. I have a lot to think about.

B.